Noone has ever been here, and I am just fine with that, because in the end ... do I really have anything to say? Let it be known. I am here if you can find me, but it has been a long time gone and I am only me wondering why I ever started this at all. The future of any of this lies ahead somewhere out there in the mist or in the midst of my next great idea. I'll say I love you if you have gotten this far... for in the end this is... for the reason - that this ultimately is here because I am struggling with who I am and where I am and how that plays out is so much about the daily deconstructing of a damaged soul, who is always working at healing the mind, body, and soul, that have carried him this far ...and the conviction of my "I" wanting to produce love in a way that serves the world with true elements of sorting the time that the occasion of being here now has brought to me. I am no special one ... only one who is now in the midst of this time that is so strongly attractive and repulsive. As there are certainly a lot of simple little struggles, even as I compose this page of words, that are thoughts that are conceived in space... that says it is me this time, who is here doing this right now. I have been away for awhile... This was down on the task-bar and I came across some interesting writings, which I cannot go into right now, but the Lord, Jesus is truly speaking to me about not being confused...and the means for straightening the road home is there - if I will only - take it. So on this night in April in the Northwest of the United States in the sometimes, always great state of Washington this is your humble reporter Hubert Rainfield signing off.

I am here and you are there and I know why I do this. It is because I have reasons for my arcane method of discerning what it is I am doing, so I do it this way, because in a manner of speaking ...it is working... for now, and I just want to keep blogging. At least until I have developed the fluidity of my youth, but in the new paradigm of the electronic "me". The new generation has such a fascile command of the medium. It is second nature to them. I was off the reservation for a long time and I didn't write anything, because I thought I would never be good enough, but after reading some of the postings by the worst of the worst bloggers - I knew I had to get out here and develop the chops to defend the ground, that was gained, before the 'give it away' crew came on the scene. Some folks just don't take responsibiliy for their personhood. They think crap is who they are ... so they proceed to make porno out of their thoughts. Foul odors are emitted - that signal low self-esteem and a practiced lack of character. Where am I going when I say these things? I want to take care of my own way and not interfer with others, but if they get up in my face, because I fell into the wrong territory... I take the time to inform them of what I perceive from their transmission. This is really getting out there. I have to reel it in. Noone has ever read my blog, so what does it matter, so I write as though that were true- knowing that someday- these posts may be read and I want them to be worthy ... No-matter if the reader reads one word, one sentence or paragraph, or the whole thing. So I have this other blog that I write to regularly, because folks actually do read it. This one is more like an archive of possibilities. It's all just rip it and read. No sweat off my brow. Tonight, Our twenty-five year old , who is closing on his new olde house on Friday, brought his girlfriend home for dinner. She is very nice and I don't think we embarrassed him. It was quite cute, when he spilt his full glass of milk into her lap. He did what it took... to take everything into the life as normal mode. Thank you Dustin. We all had a very good laugh and dinner was delightful, even if the meat, a roast, was slightly over-done. It's all good. Time to hit the hay. Working at the factory tomorrow. Actually it's a state school. Like I said ... It's all good. Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Left out and Losing my place ... I have discovered that it is rude to ignore my inner voice, which says to me on this night - that if you are trying to listen to your wife's phone conversation and the Olympics at the same time, then you deserve to not know, where you would like to go. Until I take this more seriously, I will continue to follow the drivel of the commentators, who are asking why the Americans can't win. They don't say it, but it is definitely President George Bush's fault. He needs to step forward and take responsibility for what he has done. And now this news about Vice - President Dick Cheney and how he was drunk, when he attempted to "you know" erase, hmmmm...someone, who knew something about which ... if only the media mavens..., [ who are the nation's conscience], would have been told first, in the real way, without the spin of the dark arts' Masters / behind President Bush's mesmerizing powers over the larger, although small majority. In otherwords, the evil men, who stole the Democratic forces' legacy building momentum and tumult of the onerous, boner-us years of the "You Know Whom Party". These people are forever waiting to pounce and gobble-up any iota of credibility displayed /or objectified by the current administration. The dance is beginning, or is already entering, or has long been in ... the mode of a macabre delight in the lack of disbelief in the targeted ramblings of the current Press secretary, who almost, if not in reality - makes the inconceivable ministrations of the feasting ravens... appear to have real basis and uh?... Perception is the greatest throw -weight of truth. Subject: subject the dissenting cadre of pressers to "the lie of their continuous act of deception". Frozen in their defamitory drivel are the consumers ... driven into the mobile pens of circuitry... the tinder of a greater fire. The loss of momentum and life-crushed by the circumventing jealousy of our time in history. When will we look back and say-- Why has it gone so wrong? We need to recapture our faith in the place... that this nation holds in the life of the Planet's peoples. We are the shining city on the hill, because we stay the course - even when our enemies, would have us cut and run. Now that I have come to here... I wish to step out from behind my curtain and tell you, that I am here, but I am not. The way, that it went tonight, is dope. I fear, that I need to re-serve the meal /or in silence leave the field of discourse for this day and sleep on my new " Thoughts Away" mode. [ I am, I can, I wish]. = Ode to the fool on the hill and an evening under the frozen stars. A very warm day ahead - One that comforts me... will come later this year. Extreme cold here in the south sound...up in the foothills. We prefer rain, fog and drizel... year round. Good night. Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Yes, I am a blogger-So what you say and then I retort that I am feeling my oats and I want to continue to blog, so I will do just that and be back again and again until everything starts to fall into place and I realize- that this is really what I set out to do. The design of my scheme came out of a strong desire to finally pick up the pieces and be somebody. Tonight, this will probably just go down as an exercise in the extrapulation of the dimension - that is the synthesis of the plan that unfolds out from under all the morass of detritus that is the code of the delightful elves, that inhabit the veins and limbs of the tree of life, that must succumb to the sword of the pen, that is drawn to tell the tale, that is inherent in the drum.. drum ..drumming of the thumb, that leads the hand of the man who can carry the weight of this thesis. I am (the writer)? of the age that does not yet know how to write the tome that is in my hands. The greatness is there. The audacity is spry and splayed and plays fitfully in full throttle delight as he lists from the dream that [which] is his parade of the stream, the river of I Am ... the ebb and flow of dementia. {You are far too kind sir, and I say to you, that I have some questions about just what it is that you want}. It is disturbing to me that you would contemplate any kind of advance-based on a synopsis of the aforementioned contemplation of the difficulty, that is what I attempt without consult of teacher or elements of trial. I will proceed merely to express...my truth. I am prepared to not give out the essence until the preparations have been made and then I will know that my ancient voice has been read and is reading the inner wall of the wheel that rolls through the door of the ages - to find the small one's at the juncture of love and hate. The futility of man's desire to ascribe personal gain to the true work of the world is the downfall of his humanity. Greed is the screde of the defiant and impersonal defeat will ultimately be the outcome. So I stop and start and come go and then I must also say that the movie "Terminal" is playing in earshot and maybe it is just enough distraction to get me to just hang out there a bit and let the freak flags fly with abandon. So there you go . With no skill at all --I have come to the end of this evening and must trundle of to bed now. I bid adieu and reward the reader with my contrite apologies. I am all this on this evening and it is enough to keep me going for another day. Farewell: Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Just like that, I am in the moment and all the distractions that abound are not here to stop me. I can go on and be here, again, Tonight , just as I have throughout my life- I will find a way to be clear and concise and within the depth of field that it takes to discern the copy of my present -past mindset- I will enable the track of the over-under on the deep flow and bury the trite from the doubt and render the gold of the crisp new ' Fury of redoubt' , that is the present and give up the clue that is the dream - 'To be Real' and to evaluate the resolution of my existence... to it's essence and realize that it has all the earmarks of sudden deception, that is a delusional path , that trespasses on the reality forms that flow in the favor of truth. Okay! I don't get what I am up to tonight , but I do know this- I care that this is not anything more than an exercise . It will not resolve anything except that it is merely an e- mail value of self publishing or even a lower form of lit- the dreaded text message and even lower than that in my opinion the crap heads who try to gain entry to the domains that our children find themselves in, when they are out their chatting on line. I have never chatted anywhere. I have done this blogging a bit and I have been to political and news sights, and of course all of the resource and shopping sights the internet provides . My big things are history and music and literaure and geography and cruise lines and severe weather satellite photos. On and on. Now this. It is my purpose to always even when in doubt about my own abilities to write-that I will always hold to the highest level of decency and wanting to know that we are in this together, I in turn hold my reading of others up to the highest standards and always reject the wayward. I have commented from time to time to the totally lost- Thinking that maybe I need to say something and maybe - They will get... that they need another way to retail their brain. Some of us are just not singers - Just like they advise on the American Idol show. [ I must note] - that our community love affair with the Seattle Seahawks has not come to an end. They Gave Us A Heck of a Ride and I thank them for that . We will not forget. Everyone should work as hard as they did to achieve their goal. I, as a member of the Community - am Proud to call them. "Our Seahawks". A great football team. Have some good months off and enjoy your accomplishments. I don't love them. I love their passion for what they do and the understanding of that accomplishment and the discussions they had with us , before the end came and they were the team that didn't win this years' prize, but the character of this team is great and they deserve to be honored as a great group , who accomplished a result , that was true and honorable. As to Pittsburgh- who cares? Really I will wait for the Monday Morning quarterbacks to have their say, before I form my my true feelings. Actually... I have moved on. It's back to work tomorrow, so I have to be going. I love you all and Know this- I will be back. Hubert Rainfield,esq.

There is a calm over the house in which I reside with my family. It is a calm that warms the heart, and I can only say that the set up of my computer [right now] is really disconcerting , so can I really claim to be calm. We had an evening of Christmas music and now everyone is abed, but me. I am coming... all ye faithful to Bethlehem, born the King of Angels. Oh! Come let us adore him, Christ the Lord. Listening to Clay Aiken's excellent Christmas album. So as to whether I have the fortitude to go on tonight as a faithful friend , who gathers near to us , if the faiths allow, ... Have a merry little christmas now... small case - big hopes. Mary, did you know. May your baby boy save our sons and daughters. So many are exposed to the wonder of his love by the words sung and spoken at this time of year, especially those, who are not necessarily Christian. They come to know Jesus as he would have them know him. In love ... as heaven's perfect lamb. The great I am. Joy to the earth ... repeat the sounding joy. Joy to the world. He rules the world with truth and grace... and wonders of his love. So much beauty and truth. Oh, those chesnuts and yuletide carols and turkey and mistletoe ... tiny tots...eyes all aglow. Even Santa has his way. All woven together as a net to fish for the hearts of man. Into one simple phrase ... Merry Christmas to You... What are you doing New Years Eve? To all of the above and beyond the sound of my voice... I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hubert Rainfield esq.

This is the man, me-I am, the man and then some, because, I can do this, even when there is no real reason, too. Except, that I might strike gold in them thar hills. The presence of not having a decent theme to my thoughts tonight is encumbering me. I worked today at my job in the hills at the end of the road. This is that rural location south of Seattle that got about eleven inches of snow last week and was quite beautiful and ever so slippery for a week or so, but now we're getting about pretty well. Doing our Christmas things along with the rest of the world except for the nut job ,who is trying to blow up Iraq. I believe that most people in the world would love to see the Iraqi people have a successful election, where all the money flowed into the right hands and finally got the desired results - just like our elections. We had a doozy here in Washington, just last year. Probably the best explainer of the current state of political reality in Washington the state is the site called SoundPolitics.com and it's auteur, Stefan Sheransky. Here, I am going off on a tangent and this is only the Conservative view of Washington's liberal world view. I'm okay with going a little toward the issues values for a moment , but really I am more about... just learning to integrate all of the influences into a cohesive flow that pushes the family support systems that will benefit our children now and in the future. Whatever we do - the family and the responsible parents out there are who we look up to, because even as they finish their daily bread winning - they still have to execute the family activities and responsibilities and the various driving and support arraingements for what are usually a number of kids - Yours, mine and ours. Right now we are down to one thirteen year old daughter; Who is doing very well with school, band and dance, especially dance... that is her love. My wife was busy today. She was off from work , but she had her hair done and the results are the best and she is quite happy. I like her new look - very fresh and beautiful. This sounds stilted and is not meant to be, so I will only say that this is experimental. The real important issue of the day was finding a Christmas tree at a reasonable price. That was done, but now my wife and daughter must go back tomorrow after dance class to find a tree just like the one we found , because my daughter "........" wants to pick it out. We found the place, but should we tell her...Nah! As for me I'm over and out and even though I struggled I keep the faith and know that my desire to spin local yarn will remain my desire , because I will continue trying to bring home the bacon.Best to all for a great day tomorrow and Goodnight from my end. Other good news Son at home is over the flu and back to work tomorrow and other son - May get a dream job tomorrow, cross your fingers.Younger boy is thriving at the local feed store. And I talked to my sister in Colorado Springs, today. She is the youngest of eight and has three young girls of her own. Her husband ... arrived for duty in Baghdad last Saturday.It's his second tour. and on top of that I have a real job and I have to get to bed ,so over and out ---Hubert Rainfield,esq.

I fall apart everytime I think of you . There is no center to my life. Man from Mars. Courtesy of Joni Mitchell, the singer, and now I am in, and she is also the most beautiful artist I have ever known. Not that I have known her, but in my youth, she was an inspiration...during a time, when I was receptive to the poetry, the jazz of being in grace. The life of being as you are and then some, and then you try to control the pull and sway of what is working so well. It can go away so quickly, and then what do you do? I do something else for a long time. That is... until now. I love this new me. Trying to buzz the tops off of the trees, that have grown around me, and that is bold, because eventually someone may read me and I would like that to be my wife, because then she could see that I am more than she believes me to be. I know in my heart I have not appreciated her, for all that she is, but I know that if she knew me ...she would hopefully encourage me to find out , what it is, that needs to be done. At this point ,I am merely freeing up the pieces and flying in relative time and knowing that speed and efficiency will come with time and then I will fly in the glorious light of flow and beyond. I do know that at this point, I am a point and shoot character in this western world desire to succeed to the dream ...that has always been lying there , ready to be picked up and kicked along this path that lies ahead, and can you feel me here in your eyes? I can; and I want it to be good for everyone, so it can be good for me . Should I say this unusual e-mail literary attempt at connecting with the past and the present and the path are all very clumsy and may have come to a screaming halt, but that is the mystery of me, because I will come to see this area of my blogs to be the experimental one. This is my call to the the heart of everyone who is where I am and where I have been. So much to be, and there is all the time in the world. I have been down, but I am pulling myself up and it will eventually amaze me that I have finally done what I always needed to do. Right now , I feel as though I invented the medium that we are in, but of course, it is because within the mind of mankind, we are all one and when we recognize that, we are burning in each others hearts. We have been found again, and when it comes, it will be the ride of your life. Give and inch and take a mile. I am merely this man , who is surrendering to his fate and his love for what has become and what will be and how it all happened and how little control there really is. In the long run it is not about me, because I am in the end more about you , than all about me. Can this grab a scathing comment out there? Someone tell me- I am full of shit. I am just out there, and this is the end , and there will be no end like this , because there is no reason to believe that we ever come again, so I am going to leave it all out there and give everything I have to the One. Jesus Christ My Lord. My name given here is a guise - I didn't realize I would need one, when I began , but now that I have chosen to dream outloud - maybe I will need to be a little more free ; Instead of always biding my tongue for the comfort of those, who cannot free me from myself. To my course and part in the freeing of everyone, I will now give my heart and soul to being free in thought and mind , so that I may not presume to encumber anyone, excepting criminals, perverts and terrorists. Editorially speaking : I took my freedom to mean that I could design or should I say discover a new life , because before this night I didn't have one. I have a wonderful life- I just don't give it the full advantage of being free and at this late date , which does not scare me, I am taking what is mine and I will play the role I was born to play. Thank you for your time and attention and now I think I should go away for awhile and rest, because it is one a.m. here and my time stamp always says it's three in the afternoon ... but I haven't fixed it . I don't say I can write, but I sure can go on in this vain , that is the authentic self and that pleases me , because I haven't been here in fifteen or so years . It's nice to know that the boy that finally grew up is still the boy I always wanted to be. Hubert Rainfield,esq.

That's the way we do it on the MTV. That's the franchise , but what do I care. I've been away and now this seems as though maybe it was a mistake. This dark sinister undercover attempt at revealing the depth of my pain. Can you feel it ? "I can" ,said,Simple Simon to the pieman... "three bags full ". La ,de, da... and that is the way I enter the way I am- and that is all I can do to accelerate the being of the thing that has me coming back for more , even after an extremely bad series of events , that are just the way it is here at the Rainfield of Dreams. We are a construct out of the time continuum, that as we now observe ...has all the makings of a great future that requires us to love even what we cannot accept. I must say, I do feel free, and so it is not without trepidation that I carry on in an affair that has all the makings of a third coming. Small t-, small c.. There is a pretention of beingness when the only knowingness one has is the retention of the moment, that is but completing itself ,as it circumvents it's inevitable demise. Concretius Factimosus are in order -as in proof of life and truth in facts stated. I work ,I earn ... as yet this is all I will say. There are reasons I am secret - and as yet I do not understand- I am not yet ready for the city , but I see that coming, even though,at this time, this is not seventh grade ready as a document of distinction, but that will come and as such I am a poem of myself , because I am and have always been at best an abstraction, because I am a functioning autistic in the sense that I am in my own little world -which is great, but not worthy of sharing , so as yet ... I have really only ever shared it with myself. It is a kind of empirical empathy . I have never stated those two words or their meaning together before, but they do capture the true way I go about the encountering of reality, because I do engage the world - I just have really never had an agenda- even when I have been accused of screwing things up on purpose. That is the humerous side of what this is. It has no plan . This moment is not planned -one letter follows another. Should anyone care -now or ever . If you have come this far , then you are experiencing some of what I can reveal right now. Is it valid as weight, a scale against the anquish of time and place- I cannot say, but I know no amount of pain that I feel in in my being is as great as the pain I feel for the world. Now, how can I resolve to make my feelings of love and hope become a furthering of the world of man that is going right and being holy in the hand of God and being servants in the plan to save us from ourselves. So much of our everyday work and ethical demeanor is guided from the integrity of our devotion to truth. We proceed , but do we succeed? I might not have ever written this if it hadn't been here, so that is this night, and there will be others, and I will find out more about how this affects me, as I accept the fact that I need to be this person, too. I have to become a hero to myself, so that I can be brave and honest and strong , and so I can find out why God has kept me alive this long. Not seeing a special way for me, just an adjustment to what has become so hidden in me, that I don't even admit that it exists; but know that it does- everytime I am so happy for someone who is passionate about their purpose and plan. One gets caught up and captured by sweetness of their delight. And there I end for now.Humbly yours, Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Well more of the same... and I have have hardly begun, because this site intimidates me... for some reason I am still hung up on performance anxiety-which goes right along with the fact that as yet...I am unable to break through this , but maybe if I just keep slogging through I will overcome and become one with the millions who are already here ,there and everywhere.
We, the great unwashed are not wearing out our welcome- I hope!... by not holding up our end of the deal...in not performing as well as all the Ivy drenched commentators. We are obviously here enmass, but what is it worth? ... if we do not produce an edifying product. Pardon
me- I just had to break away for a visit with my step- son Dustin, who just arrived home from his job at Costco ..."product placement"... I'll expect the check in the mail. I am learning and I will master this task eventually and be a reknowned contributor to this medium in the not too distant future. It is my destiny. It has a lot to do with my relearning English grammar and punctuation and getting the typing skills up to par. My brain is already racing at a thousand bibs an hour. That sir's and mam's was my small sense of humor poking through. If anything... I am a good sort and hold out a general longing to become a part of what I have always longed to be a part of... and that is to be a commentator and writer on the human condition. I love people and their foibles because I have always been a foible myself. I am and will always be a product of my parents and my upbringing... and everything that came after... has been an individual effort of mine...to never give up, even when the chips are down. On a task or a job, or a relationship or a responsibility or a family member or friend or a bad day... that just keeps getting worse. Much to be proud of- I have achieved no small measure of tiny insignificant miracles that I take no credit for, but I witnessed them nonetheless. Life has both been good and bad... and all of the spokes and all of the spaces between... have continued to this very day... to make it all worthwhile and well worth the time. I hope that in the end, I will have added more value to the world than I have taken out. Nothing lasts forever not even blogs. I have lost my bookmarks so many times - I could cry,...but I have soldiered on.
Tonight, I caught the end of a special about John Lennon and the creep who killed him. In the end, I took away... not that he was gone from his family and his many fans and friends, but how much value in love and song and being he had brought and believed for the world that is still here. We hold these truths to be self-evident and as such I will by your leave bid adieu and goodnight. Hubert Rainfield

Yes, I am back at the blogger after getting all intimidated,but now I think I can be over that as I have just come through a wierd couple of weeks... all about work and associates there and all the struggles of life ...ifs and what's? of the children and the wife and the country and the political atmospherics,and war and rumours of wars and a general dislike for our neighbors and what not ,because guess what?... I don't really care ...even a little bit. I am happy with everything and my life is just perfect and hey Dad- See!... How great I am doing - Soon, I will share with Dad- and hope that He might join me and do a little of his famous pontificating. Here on the blogger. Maybe he will get his own spot. I sure admire the exemplary and wonderful lives and life my parents have led ... before and after their marriage to each other and to their life hence ... up to and including us kids ... To infinity and beyond. I am learning on this adventure that it is not about making others happy ,but about getting your own house in order . So... when the time comes -to further the Dream- your resources and skills are commensurate to the task at hand. And so even though this is not what I planned for tonight it is what I will consider a well considered and thoughtful response to my inner dialogue that is saying that this is a big waste.H.Rainfield ,because

Okay this is a test. My first post and I will admit I am humbled. I keep getting the wrong thing to happen . .. but that is something I am used to, but not in something I haven't tried before. So this is going to happen today and I am very happy about that. At my age? ... Is that something I should say? I am not old , but I remember a future when I thought the world was headed for a good end and we all had the best interests of our fellow 'persons' in good stead. There is some raw good human-ure there. Oh! you know - when I was young and dumb and didn't know it yet. I thought in all of my wisdom that there was a plan , and that I actually had a big part to play. Love me or leave me- "it"... whatever it was-was in the works and I would be doing something important and profound just in time to save my butt from being a complete waste ...as a consumer of the limited resources in a world that we are constantly told... is closer to the end than we know. Then there would be a complete turnaround and a miracle cure for everything. I have followed every breath of new wind and bombast my whole life. I would say that defeating Hitler And Communism-large case were great in there time. After that world leaders said to themselves... Let's cobble together a new world that answers to one master. There is a world wide web of lies and deceit and control and money and now we are at war all over the globe in ways that are spiraling out of control. Pandemics,WMD's , slavery, and a general poverty of hope and of spirit, and for many a total loss of the ability to survive in dignity. So what is today to me. It is another beginning and another end where I realize I have more than most and I need to do more about being in this world in ways that will bring honor to my time on earth and help the world to be a more honored place by each of us who regards their presence here as a gift from God - a life is not to be squandered. To discover , to see, to reap what you sow. To learn to play well with others and when you get older -to never forget how that is done. Humbly yours, Hubert Rainfield