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Thursday, December 22, 2005

There is a calm over the house in which I reside with my family. It is a calm that warms the heart, and I can only say that the set up of my computer [right now] is really disconcerting , so can I really claim to be calm. We had an evening of Christmas music and now everyone is abed, but me. I am coming... all ye faithful to Bethlehem, born the King of Angels. Oh! Come let us adore him, Christ the Lord. Listening to Clay Aiken's excellent Christmas album. So as to whether I have the fortitude to go on tonight as a faithful friend , who gathers near to us , if the faiths allow, ... Have a merry little christmas now... small case - big hopes. Mary, did you know. May your baby boy save our sons and daughters. So many are exposed to the wonder of his love by the words sung and spoken at this time of year, especially those, who are not necessarily Christian. They come to know Jesus as he would have them know him. In love ... as heaven's perfect lamb. The great I am. Joy to the earth ... repeat the sounding joy. Joy to the world. He rules the world with truth and grace... and wonders of his love. So much beauty and truth. Oh, those chesnuts and yuletide carols and turkey and mistletoe ... tiny tots...eyes all aglow. Even Santa has his way. All woven together as a net to fish for the hearts of man. Into one simple phrase ... Merry Christmas to You... What are you doing New Years Eve? To all of the above and beyond the sound of my voice... I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hubert Rainfield esq.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

This is the man, me-I am, the man and then some, because, I can do this, even when there is no real reason, too. Except, that I might strike gold in them thar hills. The presence of not having a decent theme to my thoughts tonight is encumbering me. I worked today at my job in the hills at the end of the road. This is that rural location south of Seattle that got about eleven inches of snow last week and was quite beautiful and ever so slippery for a week or so, but now we're getting about pretty well. Doing our Christmas things along with the rest of the world except for the nut job ,who is trying to blow up Iraq. I believe that most people in the world would love to see the Iraqi people have a successful election, where all the money flowed into the right hands and finally got the desired results - just like our elections. We had a doozy here in Washington, just last year. Probably the best explainer of the current state of political reality in Washington the state is the site called SoundPolitics.com and it's auteur, Stefan Sheransky. Here, I am going off on a tangent and this is only the Conservative view of Washington's liberal world view. I'm okay with going a little toward the issues values for a moment , but really I am more about... just learning to integrate all of the influences into a cohesive flow that pushes the family support systems that will benefit our children now and in the future. Whatever we do - the family and the responsible parents out there are who we look up to, because even as they finish their daily bread winning - they still have to execute the family activities and responsibilities and the various driving and support arraingements for what are usually a number of kids - Yours, mine and ours. Right now we are down to one thirteen year old daughter; Who is doing very well with school, band and dance, especially dance... that is her love. My wife was busy today. She was off from work , but she had her hair done and the results are the best and she is quite happy. I like her new look - very fresh and beautiful. This sounds stilted and is not meant to be, so I will only say that this is experimental. The real important issue of the day was finding a Christmas tree at a reasonable price. That was done, but now my wife and daughter must go back tomorrow after dance class to find a tree just like the one we found , because my daughter "........" wants to pick it out. We found the place, but should we tell her...Nah! As for me I'm over and out and even though I struggled I keep the faith and know that my desire to spin local yarn will remain my desire , because I will continue trying to bring home the bacon.Best to all for a great day tomorrow and Goodnight from my end. Other good news Son at home is over the flu and back to work tomorrow and other son - May get a dream job tomorrow, cross your fingers.Younger boy is thriving at the local feed store. And I talked to my sister in Colorado Springs, today. She is the youngest of eight and has three young girls of her own. Her husband ... arrived for duty in Baghdad last Saturday.It's his second tour. and on top of that I have a real job and I have to get to bed ,so over and out ---Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

I fall apart everytime I think of you . There is no center to my life. Man from Mars. Courtesy of Joni Mitchell, the singer, and now I am in, and she is also the most beautiful artist I have ever known. Not that I have known her, but in my youth, she was an inspiration...during a time, when I was receptive to the poetry, the jazz of being in grace. The life of being as you are and then some, and then you try to control the pull and sway of what is working so well. It can go away so quickly, and then what do you do? I do something else for a long time. That is... until now. I love this new me. Trying to buzz the tops off of the trees, that have grown around me, and that is bold, because eventually someone may read me and I would like that to be my wife, because then she could see that I am more than she believes me to be. I know in my heart I have not appreciated her, for all that she is, but I know that if she knew me ...she would hopefully encourage me to find out , what it is, that needs to be done. At this point ,I am merely freeing up the pieces and flying in relative time and knowing that speed and efficiency will come with time and then I will fly in the glorious light of flow and beyond. I do know that at this point, I am a point and shoot character in this western world desire to succeed to the dream ...that has always been lying there , ready to be picked up and kicked along this path that lies ahead, and can you feel me here in your eyes? I can; and I want it to be good for everyone, so it can be good for me . Should I say this unusual e-mail literary attempt at connecting with the past and the present and the path are all very clumsy and may have come to a screaming halt, but that is the mystery of me, because I will come to see this area of my blogs to be the experimental one. This is my call to the the heart of everyone who is where I am and where I have been. So much to be, and there is all the time in the world. I have been down, but I am pulling myself up and it will eventually amaze me that I have finally done what I always needed to do. Right now , I feel as though I invented the medium that we are in, but of course, it is because within the mind of mankind, we are all one and when we recognize that, we are burning in each others hearts. We have been found again, and when it comes, it will be the ride of your life. Give and inch and take a mile. I am merely this man , who is surrendering to his fate and his love for what has become and what will be and how it all happened and how little control there really is. In the long run it is not about me, because I am in the end more about you , than all about me. Can this grab a scathing comment out there? Someone tell me- I am full of shit. I am just out there, and this is the end , and there will be no end like this , because there is no reason to believe that we ever come again, so I am going to leave it all out there and give everything I have to the One. Jesus Christ My Lord. My name given here is a guise - I didn't realize I would need one, when I began , but now that I have chosen to dream outloud - maybe I will need to be a little more free ; Instead of always biding my tongue for the comfort of those, who cannot free me from myself. To my course and part in the freeing of everyone, I will now give my heart and soul to being free in thought and mind , so that I may not presume to encumber anyone, excepting criminals, perverts and terrorists. Editorially speaking : I took my freedom to mean that I could design or should I say discover a new life , because before this night I didn't have one. I have a wonderful life- I just don't give it the full advantage of being free and at this late date , which does not scare me, I am taking what is mine and I will play the role I was born to play. Thank you for your time and attention and now I think I should go away for awhile and rest, because it is one a.m. here and my time stamp always says it's three in the afternoon ... but I haven't fixed it . I don't say I can write, but I sure can go on in this vain , that is the authentic self and that pleases me , because I haven't been here in fifteen or so years . It's nice to know that the boy that finally grew up is still the boy I always wanted to be. Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Friday, December 02, 2005

That's the way we do it on the MTV. That's the franchise , but what do I care. I've been away and now this seems as though maybe it was a mistake. This dark sinister undercover attempt at revealing the depth of my pain. Can you feel it ? "I can" ,said,Simple Simon to the pieman... "three bags full ". La ,de, da... and that is the way I enter the way I am- and that is all I can do to accelerate the being of the thing that has me coming back for more , even after an extremely bad series of events , that are just the way it is here at the Rainfield of Dreams. We are a construct out of the time continuum, that as we now observe ...has all the makings of a great future that requires us to love even what we cannot accept. I must say, I do feel free, and so it is not without trepidation that I carry on in an affair that has all the makings of a third coming. Small t-, small c.. There is a pretention of beingness when the only knowingness one has is the retention of the moment, that is but completing itself ,as it circumvents it's inevitable demise. Concretius Factimosus are in order -as in proof of life and truth in facts stated. I work ,I earn ... as yet this is all I will say. There are reasons I am secret - and as yet I do not understand- I am not yet ready for the city , but I see that coming, even though,at this time, this is not seventh grade ready as a document of distinction, but that will come and as such I am a poem of myself , because I am and have always been at best an abstraction, because I am a functioning autistic in the sense that I am in my own little world -which is great, but not worthy of sharing , so as yet ... I have really only ever shared it with myself. It is a kind of empirical empathy . I have never stated those two words or their meaning together before, but they do capture the true way I go about the encountering of reality, because I do engage the world - I just have really never had an agenda- even when I have been accused of screwing things up on purpose. That is the humerous side of what this is. It has no plan . This moment is not planned -one letter follows another. Should anyone care -now or ever . If you have come this far , then you are experiencing some of what I can reveal right now. Is it valid as weight, a scale against the anquish of time and place- I cannot say, but I know no amount of pain that I feel in in my being is as great as the pain I feel for the world. Now, how can I resolve to make my feelings of love and hope become a furthering of the world of man that is going right and being holy in the hand of God and being servants in the plan to save us from ourselves. So much of our everyday work and ethical demeanor is guided from the integrity of our devotion to truth. We proceed , but do we succeed? I might not have ever written this if it hadn't been here, so that is this night, and there will be others, and I will find out more about how this affects me, as I accept the fact that I need to be this person, too. I have to become a hero to myself, so that I can be brave and honest and strong , and so I can find out why God has kept me alive this long. Not seeing a special way for me, just an adjustment to what has become so hidden in me, that I don't even admit that it exists; but know that it does- everytime I am so happy for someone who is passionate about their purpose and plan. One gets caught up and captured by sweetness of their delight. And there I end for now.Humbly yours, Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Well more of the same... and I have have hardly begun, because this site intimidates me... for some reason I am still hung up on performance anxiety-which goes right along with the fact that as yet...I am unable to break through this , but maybe if I just keep slogging through I will overcome and become one with the millions who are already here ,there and everywhere.
We, the great unwashed are not wearing out our welcome- I hope!... by not holding up our end of the deal...in not performing as well as all the Ivy drenched commentators. We are obviously here enmass, but what is it worth? ... if we do not produce an edifying product. Pardon
me- I just had to break away for a visit with my step- son Dustin, who just arrived home from his job at Costco ..."product placement"... I'll expect the check in the mail. I am learning and I will master this task eventually and be a reknowned contributor to this medium in the not too distant future. It is my destiny. It has a lot to do with my relearning English grammar and punctuation and getting the typing skills up to par. My brain is already racing at a thousand bibs an hour. That sir's and mam's was my small sense of humor poking through. If anything... I am a good sort and hold out a general longing to become a part of what I have always longed to be a part of... and that is to be a commentator and writer on the human condition. I love people and their foibles, because I have always been a foibler myself. I am and will always be a product of my parents and my upbringing... and everything that came after... has been an individual effort of mine...to never give up, even when the chips are down. On a task or a job ,or a relationship or a responsibility or a family member or friend or a bad day... that just keeps getting worse. Much to be proud of- I have achieved no small measure of tiny insignificant miracles that I take no credit for,but I witnessed them nonetheless. Life has both been good and bad... and all of the spokes and and all of the spaces between... have contined to this very day... to make it all worthwhile and well worth the time. I can only hope that in the end I will have added more value to the world than I have taken out. Nothing lasts forever not even blogs. I have lost my bookmarks so many times - I could cry,...but I have soldiered on.
Tonight, I caught the end of a special about John Lennon and the creep who killed him. In the end- I took away... not that he was gone from his family and his many fans and friends, but how much value in love and song and beingness he had brought and believed for the world that is still here. We hold these truths to be self evident and as such I will by your leave bid adieu and goodnight. Hubert Rainfield,esq.


















Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Yes, I am back at the blogger after getting all intimidated,but now I think I can be over that as I have just come through a wierd couple of weeks... all about work and associates there and all the struggles of life ...ifs and what's? of the children and the wife and the country and the political atmospherics,and war and rumours of wars and a general dislike for our neighbors and what not ,because guess what?... I don't really care ...even a little bit. I am happy with everything and my life is just perfect and hey Dad- See!... How great I am doing - Soon, I will share with Dad- and hope that He might join me and do a little of his famous pontificating. Here on the blogger. Maybe he will get his own spot. I sure admire the exemplary and wonderful lives and life my parents have led ... before and after their marriage to each other and to their life hence ... up to and including us kids ... To infinity and beyond. I am learning on this adventure that it is not about making others happy ,but about getting your own house in order . So... when the time comes -to further the Dream- your resources and skills are commensurate to the task at hand. And so even though this is not what I planned for tonight it is what I will consider a well considered and thoughtful response to my inner dialogue that is saying that this is a big waste.H.Rainfield ,because

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Okay this is a test. My first post and I will admit I am humbled. I keep getting the wrong thing to happen . .. but that is something I am used to, but not in something I haven't tried before. So this is going to happen today and I am very happy about that. At my age? ... Is that something I should say? I am not old , but I remember a future when I thought the world was headed for a good end and we all had the best interests of our fellow 'persons' in good stead. There is some raw good human-ure there. Oh! you know - when I was young and dumb and didn't know it yet. I thought in all of my wisdom that there was a plan , and that I actually had a big part to play. Love me or leave me- "it"... whatever it was-was in the works and I would be doing something important and profound just in time to save my butt from being a complete waste ...as a consumer of the limited resources in a world that we are constantly told... is closer to the end than we know. Then there would be a complete turnaround and a miracle cure for everything. I have followed every breath of new wind and bombast my whole life. I would say that defeating Hitler And Communism-large case were great in there time. After that world leaders said to themselves... Let's cobble together a new world that answers to one master. There is a world wide web of lies and deceit and control and money and now we are at war all over the globe in ways that are spiraling out of control. Pandemics,WMD's , slavery, and a general poverty of hope and of spirit, and for many a total loss of the ability to survive in dignity. So what is today to me. It is another beginning and another end where I realize I have more than most and I need to do more about being in this world in ways that will bring honor to my time on earth and help the world to be a more honored place by each of us who regards their presence here as a gift from God - a life is not to be squandered. To discover , to see, to reap what you sow. To learn to play well with others and when you get older -to never forget how that is done. Humbly yours, Hubert Rainfield