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Sunday, October 08, 2006

The Normal World of Me

This should include a digest of things I have yet to do, before bed. Time has run out again and I am here on blogger... knowing full well that noone has ever read these scribbles in the night, yet I have a sublime confidence in the process and I press on. For tonight I will say that the strokes of the keys are finally getting easier, because I am not holding back the misses, which were breaking up the confidence of competence... that which is... is the life 's blood of any writer. I declare myself a writer.

If not here in all of my anonymity, where? That feels right on, Rodger. Rodger is, maybe, my alter ego, who gave me the go-ahead to declare myself- not gay or straight, but the worst faux-pas of all. To say that you are a writer and to take it seriously is quite a responsibility. Knowing this, I can only say: I Don't know why I did that, but I will be grateful that I did, because it is what I eventually will be if I continue to travel this way. The road of life is what makes us writers of our own destiny in the end. The thoughts I have had... have run up and down, but right now... I am in a positive outcome holding pattern. What am I waiting for?

Same day, different paragraph. I didn't say...I don't need a lot of work. I recognize this. I am brimming with the longing to go to sleep. I worked hard today on my driveway stoning project. I could have worked harder of course, but I did move the ball forward. Tonight our oldest was home for some of Mom's home cooking. Nice visit and we all had a good productive weekend. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for our parents. And I am grateful for this life. Thank you, Lord for giving me yet another day. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord, My soul to take.Amen

A full day it was. I wrote on my other blog, just now... and I am out of things to say, which could be a problem, but I see it only as an opportunity. Now off to sleep I go . Thank You.
Hubert Rainfield,esq.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

About Last Night
Noone that I know will ever know how great it was. I had finally gotten down to brass tacks and was rolling along at a rapid pace...steaming up the river with a full load of coal in the bunker. The black sooty smoke was blowing back over the bridge as we pushed up the river - into the great and dark forest, that could be a jungle or an enigmatic experience. Heartless man of Western Civilization. Meaning his heart was pumping and the breath tones were good, but the spirit, which had been frozen ... had inveigled a certain denoument . And the song that never ends was being sung again. Faith and truth of our fathers .. As a man learns to speak he is enabled to speak. He may say what is truth. Hopefully with regard to a purpose of being. These Rambo like comedic efforts at an esoteric understanding may be foolish in the long run, but I can disclaim them as a bad faith effort at a later date, but having said that I know my thoughts have true structural integrity. I will go on and be all that I can be. Eventually, I can be proud of what I believe is the inevitable discovery of what was lost...being found. Me...I am.

I would dearly love to visit the fluidity of the call and response of last nights' efforts, but I lost them going from draft to publish and for some daunting reason... I was not able to recover my art. I call it my meditation on nothing... now, because it is gone forever. I was rolling and my spirit was on fire. I had love in my heart and I wasn't frozen spermatazoa. I was a rifling fool...standing up to my fears and eventually achieving a certain dignity of unblemished sublimity.

I was hauling some serious butt. The grinding gears of consciousness were devoted and actuated into their highest evolution. This, obviously, is done with a tongue in cheek request, that you would recognize me as a fellow of the web's semantical knowledge blender. I am a most ordinary man, who in humility is seeking a qoutient of respect for the history of me and a recognition of the divination that my life has afforded me. Anonymously speaking I am not an actor of perhaps or of when. I am coming to an expression of the revival of me. I could handle the delight of knowing that I could do this, just because I can.

Here we are then... at the end of tonight's casual exercise. I am designed .... by me. The free will of the happenstance and discipline have given me an adaptive nature, that though it has not experienced great worth or wealth. I have acquired a real recognition of values and truth. Key elements in the order of life's silent order.
I will go now "perchance to dream"... knowing that -This distracted ride is also a part of the recovery of me my most fictional sense... The Art Of Being is being present. Finding the true location of my Heart and Health is the alpha and omega of being here now. I choose my life, because it has brought me to here. And I would honor that.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

It's like this: I have to begin, so I can get over the place, where I can't be here, because I don't produce the work, that resides in me ...Untouched, but still there.

I am here and you are there and we are all together.. just like the Beatles' song. I am having car trouble for the second week in a row and I am not dealing with it in a logical way. I have been catching rides and procrastinating. So what! Now What?

I borrowed that logic from an author, who mentioned, that was a good way to deal with the procrastinating complainers in your life. Say to them, "So what.. Now what". For this reason: I am the subject of my own inquiry. When will I get it together. This vehicle is my weight and my burden. It runs well enough. It's just that the lights... running lights don't work. It has brake and turn blinkers, so right now it is a day time car. I caught a ride every day this last week and for those rides I am grateful. I have made three major pushes to fix it and thought I had success each time ... only to come up short. I am truly dissappointed in my ability to not foresee the outcome of today's effort. I waited until it was too late to fix it... if it didn't work out, but soon enough, if it had. I was ready for success and when I came up empty... I smiled and laughed and had a resounding thrilling time convincing myself that I was doing all I could to get it done, but I know the truth. It really sucked and it was somewhat my fault. I have the unrequited ,sinking feeling that on top of everything... I may have broken the part I bought to repair the electric switch ...that is the head light switch. I am not a mechanic, but we do all our repairs. Some times we miraculously succeed... Other times... like today I have unfortunate accidents. Tonight, I cry, but I will be grateful, because a grateful heart is what I need. I must not fall into despair. I have a full week ahead and a lot on my plate, so I must get ready for that and know that this other thing will be answered, when I prepare the way for success.

That... felt like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders. Usually I get good help from my wife, who helps me keep calm. I am a calm person, but cars can be a frustrating experience when your hands are too large and the eyesight seems not to be adequate. This has been not so much what I wanted to say, but it is where it is at right now, so I will leave it there for today and say thank you for hearing me out and if noone is there ...That is allright. I am secure enough to know that this rough patch is part of a pattern that re-occurs from time to time. I always love it, when it is my turn to cry over spilt milk.

So, rolling out the final tones of the day... I ascribe to the theory that always works for me. Why do today, what you can put off until tomorrow! It seems that is where I have been lately. I'm better now. Suddenly...Right now! ... I just prevented us from having a fire in the dryer. I checked the noise ...coins in the dryer... Clothes already super dry were on for another 50 minutes. I'm a hero, but only to me. Enough said... I'm out of here. ___Hubert Rainfield,esq.__ At Your Service