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Sunday, October 01, 2006

It's like this: I have to begin, so I can get over the place, where I can't be here, because I don't produce the work, that resides in me ...Untouched, but still there.

I am here and you are there and we are all together.. just like the Beatles' song. I am having car trouble for the second week in a row and I am not dealing with it in a logical way. I have been catching rides and procrastinating. So what! Now What?

I borrowed that logic from an author, who mentioned, that was a good way to deal with the procrastinating complainers in your life. Say to them, "So what.. Now what". For this reason: I am the subject of my own inquiry. When will I get it together. This vehicle is my weight and my burden. It runs well enough. It's just that the lights... running lights don't work. It has brake and turn blinkers, so right now it is a day time car. I caught a ride every day this last week and for those rides I am grateful. I have made three major pushes to fix it and thought I had success each time ... only to come up short. I am truly dissappointed in my ability to not foresee the outcome of today's effort. I waited until it was too late to fix it... if it didn't work out, but soon enough, if it had. I was ready for success and when I came up empty... I smiled and laughed and had a resounding thrilling time convincing myself that I was doing all I could to get it done, but I know the truth. It really sucked and it was somewhat my fault. I have the unrequited ,sinking feeling that on top of everything... I may have broken the part I bought to repair the electric switch ...that is the head light switch. I am not a mechanic, but we do all our repairs. Some times we miraculously succeed... Other times... like today I have unfortunate accidents. Tonight, I cry, but I will be grateful, because a grateful heart is what I need. I must not fall into despair. I have a full week ahead and a lot on my plate, so I must get ready for that and know that this other thing will be answered, when I prepare the way for success.

That... felt like a big weight was lifted from my shoulders. Usually I get good help from my wife, who helps me keep calm. I am a calm person, but cars can be a frustrating experience when your hands are too large and the eyesight seems not to be adequate. This has been not so much what I wanted to say, but it is where it is at right now, so I will leave it there for today and say thank you for hearing me out and if noone is there ...That is allright. I am secure enough to know that this rough patch is part of a pattern that re-occurs from time to time. I always love it, when it is my turn to cry over spilt milk.

So, rolling out the final tones of the day... I ascribe to the theory that always works for me. Why do today, what you can put off until tomorrow! It seems that is where I have been lately. I'm better now. Suddenly...Right now! ... I just prevented us from having a fire in the dryer. I checked the noise ...coins in the dryer... Clothes already super dry were on for another 50 minutes. I'm a hero, but only to me. Enough said... I'm out of here. ___Hubert Rainfield,esq.__ At Your Service

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