This is the beginning of a new day for me. I will now be a presence on the web. I have been reading blogs from the beginning and I have a great regard for all who are truthful and responsible. I was young once and now I am older. Call me ordinary but I hold out hope for our good end...I am reaching out for my beginnings and my end.Thankyou and goodnight. your humble servant Ulric Hubert Rainard
Monday, February 20, 2012
Collating Zoom Desire
I wish to extract a piece of a part_of a place_ that was a moment.
It happened_ at the time_to be the thing, that held me enthralled.
In summer swings a connection_thrown_ that almost gets lost.
Relative wonder_ upon the service of life_
All that at once_ comes due… Certainly wakes_
To find a place where you… Are the one who ultimately decides.
This way or that way__What proof does it take?
Always comes back to you_ believing I can be found.
I work the art of me_ To locate the service of time.
The space in the current _The action of place_ takes Time.
I need to gather this deal_ to the wheels, that roll up under.
I am a friend to myself, and the way of this_ becoming.
The mechanical breath of review.
Seeking new questions to hold.
I have the answers of my own extrusion.
It arrives on the seed of memory’s host.
A day away from the first page...
I see a derivative deal along the column.
Left apart_ I could walk away and leave the heart of attack.
I thought I was done _ The courage to live the truth.
I was certainly done_ I believed I was truly through.
I’m not making this up. It comes from the whole cloth of me.
In some ways I wonder _ at this kind of review.
It is certainly strange for anyone to read.
What kind of life_ does this guy see?
Well, maybe this is where it gets real. I had a thought about _
Reviewing the summer past_ as a place, where I could begin.
Somehow, I was dissolved_
at the loss of your space_
and the toss that I spiraled_into_
All_ because I got scared.
It was life with a special design_
that became all of the sea and sky…
Thoughts could take you anywhere
_ and it was sublime.
It is quite likely, that_
Noone can read this, and know what I mean_
Or if they do_ it is another version of the loss_
becalmed that begins. To unwind
I went a bit crazy_ for the words
_ that could not save at ends_ these actions.
I was plainly dissolved, and surrendered.
I gave up more than I knew.
I took a short break and tried to re-establish_
a certain blink and dimension.
I was seeking something true_ outside of my dimension.
My time warp was…
I was seeking love _in another’s space’s.
I had a real life_ I had failed to appreciate.
You gave me back to that.
It was not an intentional act.
It was the natural flow of events.
I am here to attest. I have come a long way.
and the due diligence of certain persons...
has certainly shaped this request and answer.
This is the tale that begins. My wife had asked me to prepare my
vehicle for travel in June for a trip over the mountains and across the
desert climate of Eastern Washington. A journey of 300 miles in each direction
to Walla Walla, Wa., where our fourteen year old would be going to
a summer dance intensive. Rich speak_ for_’ an expensive three weeks’.
Of course I did my best to remember, but the night before
we were to leave, and it was the weekend_ I still had not changed
the antifreeze/coolant mix or determined… if I needed to change the thermostat,
and that is the crux of this revelatory tale. I was seeking certain ire,
and I was most probably due, because I had been running off road for quite awhile,
and no one seemed to care. Okay, It was about to get trying, but I was not worried.
Furthermore, I was somewhat prepared. I had purchased everything I needed to do every conceivable action, that I might have to do... ’To git ‘ur done’.
I had just wasted so much time and good will ... so now it was hell on earth
and the woman in my life saying….”We are done.”
This means we will be divorced.
I was not scared. I just needed to get it done in the late hours of Saturday July7th, the day before… we were to leave. Sunday, the 8th, four a.m….we’ll be pulling out of the driveway. Those were my marching orders. Oh! that’s easy. I had the weather and the light on my side, but things were taking longer than I thought they would. My march to success was taking big chunks of time. I was falling behind.
I declare to the world…I am not a mechanic, but I am a zen artist of the mechanical bent, and I have experienced at least as much success as I have had failure. I was ready. I proceeded forthrightly, and with all of the positive reinforcement I was getting/Not!…I was quite confident. As a matter of fact. My spirits never wavered. My wife only held the light, as the hours were waining, just before midnight. I was all _but through. Then it was done.
Two flushes with fast drives around (to heat the brew),draining,and connecting hoses and disconnecting hoses and continuing onward and upward… toward a clear running system,…I discovered and surmised that I should probably replace the thermostat. Of course…I knew that…I had known that…I was really thinking about not doing that…but I had no choice at ten-thirty p.m.. It became the only course I could take, and I had no book for this vehicle and the harness and straps and emission crap layed over the whole top of this machine and I was screwed or was I ?
Come on, oh! imaginary person (not ever named)except as… TR.
Divorce sounded so final.
My only hope was the magic tool box of the neighbor down the street.Mike loves tools. Long story short…He’s asleep.
His wife doesn’t want to wake him up. I go to their front door and knock…only low tv glow in sight. I am reminding her(now in person) of all the times my lovely wife had fixed their computer problems. And the many times her kids wait at our house…waiting for them to get home. Not so much lately, but there must be a goodwill bank. Working on wrapping this up. Stay for the close.
Quickly now, my wife,’M', is home, and she likes to get on this machine.. to play Mah Jong…so as not to disappoint her…I will get off and say this is over. It is all, but. Needless to say, Mike’s magic tool box provided the way for me to succeed, beyond my wildest dreams.
I imagined such…a perfect tool, that could reach under, and around, and he knew what one that might be. The job was soon complete. By any calculus. This was love Supreme!
“Okay! I am out of here.” 12:30a.m….I was done. Everyone was abed,… I showered and slept and woke at 3:00a.m. We were already packed. I helped. Right! I did. Really.
When this cold icy dream of success was forged…
I believed I knew all was perfect, but I couldn’t be sure.
I tracked every thought and sound of this car, as we drove.
I was the only one awake.
‘M’ had so little faith.
We’re driving up and over the 5,300 ft. pass next to Mt Rainier.
Once we were up and over, I was purely ecstatic. At that point…
Just over the top, I woke my passengers to share in my delight. She said something about 103 degrees today. She would wait until then to give me an answer. I was already a success to me.
It would be a long time to wait, but…(by the end of the day)_ she granted me that accolade, You did it!
Even going it alone,… I was high on faith and the flame my heart breathed freely again. I was back and there was such happiness in my domain.
I was king of the world, but I was being responsible and humble.
This is so long__noone will read it. That is okay. We(I,me,mine) are developing the voice of the vein__ of_ ‘me’ being ‘me’.
I believe in what I do. I have confidence, and in those following weeks, while daughter was away__I gave all of my time...
to our marriage connection. We did nothing spectacular.
But certainly, there was a necessary adjustment.
I had been too much online. Away_ from the life of real.
We did things together again…Cooked and ate, and watched movies, and walked on trails, and went to the ocean, and relaxed on the set. It was an evening /sunrise, and the days of time, that hold the truth of_ who, we are yet to become.
It was a perfect time.
That is how_ This is here, and that is all I wrote,
but I will be back_ to bring on the rest.
I want to thank you for your indulgence.
I am looking for the right path for me.
Good night and have a nice day! TR